Saturday, August 17, 2013

Disney Princesses

When I'm bored, and because I have no actual social life, I'll either:
a) Read
c) Watch Supernatural
or d) Flip through pages in a piano music book and sightread.

Since I did both a, b, and c in the past couple of hours, I decided to do d. I'm just going to ignore how wrong that sounded. So are you.

I recently had bought a piano book, and I decided to look through it. It was a Disney Princess book, and I thought, "Hey, I'll rediscover my nonexistant toddlerhood!" and began playing.

When you play piano, it's like you don't notice the lyrics below the staffs until halfway through the song. I began to see little things, like, "I want more" and "I just can't wait to be king!", which broke my concentration, because, seriously? It sounds like some YA protagonist. My curiosity piqued, I read all the lyrics in that book. And then I remembered why I didn't like some movies.

I mean, in Colors of the Wind, Pocahontas starts singing to a random stranger, who's part of the group planning to decimate her entire village. Why would you do that? What do you think is going to happen if you run up to a "savage"? He'll just start singing back? Ignore the fact that no one in there right mind would ever start singing to random people- this is a Disney movie and all Disney movies have to have random singing- he doesn't speak the same language. You know that (I think. I can't really remember what happened in this movie). He knows that. Stay away from him and, whatever you do, don't start singing with him.

This is sending a terrible message to people. "Hey! You know those people that everyone runs from? Yeah, you should definitely try and start a conversation. The people whom he hangs out with has weapons that obliterate you? Pssht. Small differences."

No. Don't freaking do this. This is bad. There is usually a reason people stay away from certain people. They're usually dangerous.

And Sleeping Beauty! Why, if your parents burned all the spinning wheels in the kingdom, would you decided to poke one, let alone go near it?

Ariel's an idiot because she has anything materialistic she could ever want, but yet, she wants more. Just freaking get over it already! There's no need to go to an evil witch. And she doesn't even know the Eric guy. He could be evil. He could be gay and be wondering why some girl who doesn't have a voice follows him around when he obviously is in love with the captain of his guard. Yes, Disney. There is such thing as homosexuality. It's amazing. You should accept that.

Belle's "romance" is actually Stockholm's Syndrome. Look it up. All the stages are completed so accurately it's a wonder that so many people didn't see it yet.

Snow White goes off and lives with seven men. She's seven (in the fairy tale, at least), and she lives with guys that are decades older than her.

Jasmine's marriage is being arranged. It's not like it never happened before, and she wasn't expecting it. But noooo. She runs away and almost gets her hand chopped off.

And most of these movies have insta-love! They don't know the guy, but it doesn't matter. They glance at him, and it's suddenly all love and happiness and rainbows and puppies.

All these DPs have no sense of clothing at all. Ariel swims around in a bikini, Jasmine doesn't have a shirt, Pocahontas's skirt is too short for running and hunting in, and the rest walk around in fancy gowns or other revealing clothing.

And so, Disney Princesses, you guys are basically idiots. I don't understand how your music is amazing. I don't like any of you anymore.

Except Mulan. Mulan's awesome.

Update: This is my 100th published Post. I feel so accomplished right now.

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