Sunday, September 29, 2013

How to Write a Bestselling YA Book

This is an easy list of how to write one of the most popular YA books, and is completely, definitely, and utterly not sarcastic at all.

How to Write the Book:
  1. Pick an original mythology component, such as vampires, angels, or mermaids.
  2. Do no research whatsoever on this topic. In fact, completely forget anything you've ever learned. 
  3. Allow readers to see what's inside the main character's mind by making her- it must be a girl- have no personality whatsoever.
  4. There must be a single parent, and that single parent must barely, if ever, be mentioned in the book. Actually, just kill off the parent. It's not going to matter anyways.
  5. The main character and the love interest must meet within the first 50 pages, and they must fall in love.
  6. Actually, no. They hate each other.
  7. But they're back to loving each other again.
  8. Don't try and make a villain. Just pick the first character you think of and make him have no interesting characteristics or reason to be evil. He just is, okay?
  9. Have either nothing be explained, or talk about every little thing ever.
  10. Make your book have a cliffhanger. How else will you get readers to keep reading? Actually writing well?
How to Edit:
  1. Editing? What is this editing you speak of? Don't try and make your book better. It's already perfect.
Now all you have to do is publish it and wait for the mindless idiots to pick it up. Congrats!

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